just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
