My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This house was built for laser tag.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
