Someone shit on the floor
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
