I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
