I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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