Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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