i just google imaged poop.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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