i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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