I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dicks are not precious.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
