we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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