..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
