my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
