u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
