At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
