Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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