all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
