I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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