Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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