I feel great
I just peed on a car
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
