people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Randomize
