dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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