Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
