Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
