drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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