You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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