it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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