How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
