I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Someone signed my nipple.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
