McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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