So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
