Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Duck Duck Cougar?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
