So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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