There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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