We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
