I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And then my night got REAL pukey
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
