Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
