the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
