My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
