How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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