on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
