I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
