maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
