her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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