My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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