We named our party play list daddy issues
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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