hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
