You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize