Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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