I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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