The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
