erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
