Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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