its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You are a genius and a whore.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
