ya dads aren't the best wingmen
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize