Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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