margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
