Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
