I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
