she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
