Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
