nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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