take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
