I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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