Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
