I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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