I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
bring money and cleavage
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
