jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
try to milk me bitch
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
