didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
