My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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