Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
