somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
