I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
