before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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