Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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